Single's Route

One of the sore points of my life currently isn’t just that my husband is late; but also that my confidant is late. I don’t have him here to talk about life.

I am knee deep into projects that not only challenge me but excite me at the same time and I find myself scrawling down my phone's contact list looking for someone to share these intimate news with.

Don’t get me wrong; I have awesome amazingly supportive friends – but they are just that; friends. I can’t off load a whole truck full of emotions on then at any go. Usually I go in with a “Hey babe/good friend, how are you? How’s your day going?...” before I pounce on them the whole saga and I usually round off the conversation with “…tell me about you, you’ve heard enough about me…”.

It’s a respect thing I guess. They aren’t  mine, as my husband was. I feel guilty after speaking about just myself for almost forever in one conversation.

I guess maybe that’s why I find so much comfort in my writing and doing videos. I feel heard, attended to; and it’s therapeutic.

Those who’ve never been here (widowed/divorced or any other kind of separation) don’t quite get it.

I realised this when I was driving with a close friend and we came to a homeless couple living in a makeshift squatter near an intersection. He marvelled at their state of poverty, while I admired that they were ‘together’; that they were going through this tough season or life together.

That’s what life experiences bring; gratitude.

Before I lost my beloved husband to cancer, I honestly never thought much about the widowed. Not that I didn’t care. I did care. But my care was limited to my understanding of their lives. Today it’s different. it has become all I know.