Sauté - Eat To Live

As part of the ‘living’ journey, I have made a few changes – one being my diet. For years I’ve watched my friends try out new diets and eating habits, while I shoved a moist double chocolate cupcake in my mouth. It’s not that I don’t care, but rather that I didn’t have the mental capacity to invest in such a change, especially because food was one of my comforts and I wasn’t ready to let go of it.

We take for granted how everything is connected to everything. As much as I could see my weight loading, I knew my need for food was deeper than what people saw. I was no widowed, with no confidant (Mbu) and going through the worst possible time in my life – food was solace. I ate so much that I doubt the taste mattered, but rather how much I could consume was the goal.

Behind the scenes (this is usually my subconscious) I had permitted myself to indulge in food, only as part of the ‘surviving’ journey. It’s weird how I am such a strategist, even about food – but I guess that’s the mind of a fighter.

Now that I’ve ‘survived’, I am implementing the decisions I made, which is to eat clean. And guess what, my mind is fully behind me and cheering me on.

 

What I always tell every young widow I meet is – “… you have limited mental capacity, choose your battles well. Survival isn’t about being loud or visible, it’s about using every resource sparingly until you get to your victory. You can’t possibly behave as someone who hasn’t experience the trauma you have, trauma kills.”

what I have discovered is how I’ve missed the authentic taste of every ingredient on my plate. Before it was just about consumption, but now it’s all about exploring and appreciating how the coming together of these ingredients make my plate so beautiful to savor. The other day I had sautéed baby tomatoes as part of my breakfast dish and what a love affair it was on my taste buds. I’ve missed this.

 

Something so simple, yet so hard; all depending on one’s mental state.

 

Ever since Mbu’s passing in Jan 2017, I haven’t done much cooking. The sight of the kitchen tortured my soul. He loved my cooking and for the last twelve months of our marriage we ate almost every meal together. He’d come in from work for lunch and we’d have lunch together. In the evenings he’d walk into the house and go straight to the pots, take off the lid and let the aroma of the food fill his face. So as you can imagine, I wasn’t going to get that kind of appreciation from him anymore – hence I say, one thing is connected to another.

Being able to see this diet change through is a win for me. Proof that when you make up your mind, you can achieve it. Very important to note, making up your mind doesn’t have to be loud. You just make sure you keep the promises you make to yourself.

 

Yours in healing.

Fortunate Zungu-Ludaka