Different Love

One day I just got tired. Wearing these shoes was a burden. Firstly they were uncomfortable and their beauty couldn’t even change that. So I stopped wearing them. I swapped them for flats *big smiles*

It’s this kinda similar to relationships. We meet these amazing people and we click but eventually we realise the relationship is more torturous to our inner peace than it’s worth.

Then we keep up a front because we don’t want those who may have warned us to see we’ve come to this realisation. Sad.

I met Mbu end of August 2012 *Big smiles again*

Let’s just say he was the ‘flats’ after realising the high heels weren’t for me. He was a med student which translated “ultra-broke”. He had no money, no car etc. I won’t lie and say I fell in love instantly. He was just different from any guy I’ve ever been with. But again I prayed for different.

I guess this is where we lose it. we pray for someone and we expect them to show up looking a certain way, forgetting what’s inside them is what we actually are in need of, not the exterior.

I remember on our second date watching him talk and thinking to myself ‘girl, this is where you run. You don’t even love this guy. He doesn’t have much to offer…why are you willing to give this relationship a chance? Just run”. I went home and had a conscious debate about it and that’s when I realised this is what I wanted. He was a guy head over heels in love with me. This was quite different. I liked it. I chose to give us a chance and although he’s no longer here today, his love is still the best kind of love I’ve ever experienced.

An old colleague of his sent me a message when the news of his passing reached her. She expressed her heartfelt condolences and told me all the things Mbu used to tell her about me during their shifts together.

I wasn’t surprised. That man was so attached to me, sometimes it annoyed me and that I regret of course. I am human after all. I wasn’t expecting him to die. Spending every single hour of his free time together was too much but he knew why. He knew he was on his way.

To say you love someone and to actually love them; are two completely different things. We say with pride how much we love our significant others but our love, the actual act is so conditional. They must first make us feel a certain way, please us a certain way etc. But here was a man who was just there to love me unconditionally and I almost missed him because I was focused on the conditions.

How naïve of us to think our significant others are just there to please us and be about us. How often do we give all that we expect? Freely even, without counting. Hmmm.

See all these are the things Mbu taught me. I would throw tantrums and just be impossible, simply because I knew he loved me. You don’t have to say it, I already know. He’d wait for me to calm down and then address the issue. He would be so calm about it, which was just amazing.

Sitting here today with a heart filled only with gratitude, I have eventually I picked up these amazing habits. Love does that. It inspires and influences. Now that he’s gone I can really say I am a better person and will be a better lover to my next. Yes. There shall be a next.