HONESTY

I hardly blog about my children because I’d like them to have the opportunity to tell their story their way someday, but just this once I’d like to share just a bit.

“Mama, you’re going to stay with me. You don’t have to worry about anything in your life” my daughter said as we were pacing through the different aisles in the shop.

My son quickly interrupted her. “Do you intend to get married?’ my son asked my daughter. My daughter replied “Yes, of course”.

My son now ready to make his very important point, added “Do you think your husband will be ok with that? If my wife brought her mom to come and live with us, I am also getting my mom to join us. We’ll be one very big happy family.”

At this point I was laughing hysterically because I knew this conversation was headed to this particular point.

I raised my children to be open minded. From a very early age I taught them the importance of good communication. I still emphasize how valuable their point of view is; not that they’re always right, but rather express without getting emotional. I need to ace this myself. One day I will.

Now it was my turn to raise my view on this very important conversation about me.

“This is why I want and need to get married again. You can’t be responsible for my life. It’s not fair on both of us. You still need to chase your dreams without worrying about me. And because I want to live the rest of my life happy. I don’t want to hop from one relationship to another and I am sure you also wouldn’t like that, so it’s best I settle down again.”

They weren’t quite happy about the remarrying idea. I think if I were in their shoes I would have probably felt the same. Losing two fathers in such a short space of time couldn’t have been an easy thing to deal with, but I had to talk to them about it because it’s what I wanted. I wanted them to know that despite the tragedy, I still had hope for a better future.

I had just turned 31 when I became husband-less for the second time in my life. I was too young to declare myself a widow till death and I wasn’t going to.

Some may argue it was too soon to address such an issue with my kids, but again they aren’t in my shoes; I am. Honesty has always worked for our relationship. It’s how we built trust.

Almost every parent wants to protect their kids from painful experiences, but too often this is impossible. For me talking to them about everything, good bad, exciting or saddening has help us build an amazing bond. It has taught them accountability because even I am accountable for my own mistakes, no matter what.

The beautiful thing I’ve discovered is the way their love is so unconditional. I am shocked at this, because we often hide our flaws especially from those we love and value, when in fact vulnerability to our children births room for perfect human beings, the imperfectly perfect human being.

I wouldn’t want my children to grow up to be adults who go around putting on a facade because society expects them to be a certain way. No ways.