The Price Of Love

I don’t know if we were brave or stupid.

We agreed not to tell anyone about the news on Mbu’s health except our immediate families, mainly because we didn’t want to be more overwhelmed than we already were.

Mbu was a medic and that would have led to at least a thousand diagnosis from his colleagues and friends stemmed from fear and panic. All well intended but still overwhelming. We needed to think clearly. Gosh, how does one even begin to keep it together after such horrific reports?

I still don’t regret a single thing. Under the extremely challenging circumstances, I think we did great; both Mbu and I.

The first thing I did was delete all the people on my Facebook account, I left about only 3. I did this in a bid to have some privacy. It’s weird and it probably doesn’t make sense to you but to me it did. I felt I had some control left of my life.

Love sometimes comes at a very high price.

The price is you give up your-self and become one with your spouse. I guess the beauty is that you both give up your-self and create a new self, which is a combination of both your dreams, ambitions, goals and fears and sometimes even illnesses.

I say illnesses because although Mbu had the cancer physically, I very much had it psychologically. Which is why even to this day I still struggle with the whole ordeal.

Although it’s over now on his part, on my part I still very much carry the scars of that war. Brave; choosing to try this life thing without my dearest love.

On the outside I seem fine, but on the inside I’m no different than a limping man.

Life hasn’t really given me much choice, I can’t sit and watch it go by; I’m obliged to participate in it for the sake of my purpose…