Super Weird.

I am constantly working hard to achieve something on my own, by myself in a bid to convince myself there’s still value in me but when I actually see my work yield great results I get sad.

Widowhood is super weird.

I’m used to Mbu being my cheerleader and ‘soundboard’ for all my ideas. He never thought my ideas were crazy and even if he did, he never said it out loud.

He was strict with money though. Whenever he’d invest in any of my ideas he’d first make me promise that I wouldn’t use the money on anything except for business *rolling my eyes* like I would, I don’t even like shopping *chuckles*

I am currently working on several projects; pushing the envelope because that thrills me but with him not being there it’s quite saddening and confusing, but confusion has become the new norm. 

No matter how much my ideas get the green light I still yearn for his reassurance.

I guess this is what life will be until I find that kind of comfort again.

And please don’t get me wrong, I am not saying Mbu was my life but I am saying he was the best part of my life.

That’s what we want from marriage right? Someone we can be ambitious with. Someone who cheers us on when we’re in doubt about pursuing our dreams. Someone who doesn’t steal our shine.

All this I had with my Mbu.

Honestly, the only reason I want to get married again is because I trust God for a spouse who will be comfortable in his uniqueness and trust the amount of worth he’ll be adding to ‘us’ and our vision.