Dead Brain.

One of the hardest things a person can ever have to do, is to comfort a grieving person. It’s also humbling because at that moment you are left to accept that no matter how much you sympathise with the bereaved, there is nothing you can ever do to take their pain and sorrow away.

For me, death is one thing that reminds us all how human we are – that there’s a limit to life.

I have lost three people I loved dearly in my life. My brother who passed on at 10 months, my grandfather who passed on in January 2015 and then my second husband who succumbed to cancer at the age of 32 years in January 2017. Of all these deaths, my husband’s passing hit me the hardest. I remember feeling part of my brain being dead. I battled to process even a simple thought. Maybe it was frozen. I told my mom this and she looked at me as though I were crazy. Maybe I seemed crazy to her and many others, but I knew I wasn’t.

I explained to her that my brain was in recovery. Only a small portion of it was strong enough to stand the trauma, while the rest was basically in ICU but inside my head. This fraction of my brain was being protected from ‘fatal destruction’ that would have been caused by carrying the mental tasks on a damaged or compromised mental capacity.

The other challenge in offering support to the grieving is the misinformation on what grief is and how it impacts on the bereaved. I am hosting my first mental health seminar for this very reason. To educate our society. We are better effective when we’re armed with knowledge.

Grief alone is a huge life obstacle that one might have to face. I say obstacle because that’s what it is. It stands in the way of life and while most would prefer sweeping it under the carpet, I prefer facing it head on – with the right tools of course. One of these tools is ‘time out’. The effect of the trauma is massive, so you need to learn how to gradually recover your mental capacity, so time out to rest your brain is ideal. I love detox massages, they are like manna to the wandering Israelites.

I have to thank God because each time I suffered a certain trauma in my life, he’d just inspire me with ideas that have become my survival strategies. The importance of a detox wrap and massage was one strategy I got after losing Mbu. I had my first session in February 2017 shortly after Mbu passed on, I felt as though a thousand bricks have been lifted off me. For the first time in months, I could breathe easily.