Safe Space.

Although forgiving is a great part of the healing process for those who have suffered the trauma of abuse, it is important that we understand that the outcome of the attempt to forgive lies greatly on how the forgiveness process is done.

As a survivor of both physical and sexual abuse, I can tell you from my own experience that when you’re in pain due to abuse, more than anything you want to stop suffering from the pain. Therefore when I was being told that I must forgive those who’ve abused me in order to heal, I felt betrayed. I felt as though my reasons for feeling the pain were uncared for. I felt as though the one who had abused me was allowed to walk away unquestioned, while I was left with enormous emotional tasks on not just forgiving them, but also to live life as though nothing had happened and that is how I justified my resistance to forgive. I was angry.

Although forgiveness released my hold over the pain and attack, it was not a one-step process. There were a lot of emotions tied to that one event. There was guilt, there was shame and there was fear. Therefore I couldn’t process all that in just one step. I needed time. I needed a safe environment that would allow me to let down my guard so I could start unpacking each one of these great and daunting emotions.

Firstly, before I could even attempt dealing with these emotions, I needed to calm my mind and convince it to allow the process of confrontation, because in order to forgive I had to confront the ordeal.

My mind had built up great walls of protection from anything that looked like the trauma and the attack I have suffered. I was at war with myself, yet the attack was never my fault. My mind told me not to trust anyone with my wound, not even the trained professionals.

Until someone created a safe space for me to let down my guard and allowed the forgiving process to be just that – a process (procedure, course, development, progress etc.)

It could several deliberate attempts before the desired goal was achieved. The goal was clear – I wanted to forgive and be released from carrying the trauma in my daily life.  

May we be kind and gentle towards those who are still healing from their trauma so that they can also get to a healthy point of release and forgiveness, so that they can find and restore the peace that was once taken away from them.