Continuing To Bet On Myself!

It's a few days to what would have been Mbu's 37th birthday (04 June). Just thinking about the age 37, I get goosebumps because it's still surreal how young my Mbu was when he died. Nevertheless, I have made great strides in my healing journey and I am finally gracefully living with his absence.

 

I have learned to listen to my hurt and not invalidate it. Yes, I still hurt, and I'll probably keep experiencing it until the day I die – but it’s important that I tell you that it no longer runs my life.

 

Most of my days are filled with so much life, in every aspect of the word. I'm in awe of how much I've made progress in my own personal space. I've had 3 different jobs in the past 4 years and my current one being everything I prayed for. My health is greater than ever. My relationships are fulfilling, especially in the sphere of conflict management and resolution, and acceptance for others and their unique differences.

 True companionship is one of the things I miss most about Mbu. Its unquestionable depth of honesty and validation. Yes, validation; in its healthiest form. I mattered, my whole existence mattered and that's not something one finds easily – I have to build on that, but not everyone we meet has the capabilities and capacity to build such; but I hopeful that one day I will have that again.

 I'm truly grateful for my growth as far as my acceptance goes, being able to accept that people are made different. It doesn't make them bad people; it just makes them not for you. I say this because I have tried dating (still trying) and I have had to continuously keep a radar on my ideal companionship, because loneliness can make one easily relinquish their true self-worth for a fleeting companionship that has no true value.

 

With rebuilding, I've also learned the importance of harboring peace. Keeping it within myself, and diligently so. It's in the chaos of everything falling apart that I've found solace in peace. My strongest strengths come from my strong will and strong mind; and the more I invested on making peace my space for decision making, I found I had less regret.

 

And it is from my peace, that I've made the decision to enter into a self-care week. I'm not falling apart but I'm putting extra caution on my well-being, especially mentally; to make sure that all that I invested on myself isn't in vain. I call this ‘betting on yourself’ because you know yourself more than anyone, or at least you should!!